Ask your fat friend: how do I stop internalising diet culture?
You’ve heard all about her, now it’s time to hear from her. Terri Waters answers your biggest question of the season…
Featuring art by Amy Rose.
How do I stop internalising diet culture to start engaging with fashion more?
From the outside looking in, you could probably go on about your life believing that there’s absolutely no connection between diet culture and fashion. Why? Because diets are food-related and fashion is clothes-based. But whilst their differences may seem enough to keep them in separate ‘boxes’, really, they’re not so different after all.
The main similarity between diet culture and fashion is that, ultimately, they are things that are taught to us by society. We internalise diet culture from a young age as we become a product of our surroundings. We idolise thin, perfect bodies from TV and magazines.
We hear mum chatting to a friend about how she’s lost x-number of pounds on Atkins. We see adverts with catchy music normalising slimming shakes that guarantee instant weight loss. We’re told by magazines how flat our tummies should be and what exercises we need to partake in to get the look. We watch our aunt turn down a slice of cake because it’s ‘naughty’.
In the same way, we take in fashion - or at least our perception of it. We envy the outfits worn on those perfect bodies from TV and magazines. We see mum in a swimming costume on holiday because she’s conscious of her tummy. We consume adverts selling products that nip your waist in and slim your thighs down in exchange for being able to breathe normally. We’re told by magazines what we should be wearing, oftentimes based on the shape of our body.
We search our aunt’s wardrobe but find nothing but black and navy baggy numbers because it’s ‘way more flattering’. It’s funny how easy it is to think that they have nothing in common, when in reality, they have absolutely everythingin common.
With that in mind, when it comes to being able to truly engage with fashion more, there’s a whole lot of unlearning to do on both sides of the fence. If you’ve lived with any form of body dissatisfaction or low self-esteem with regards to how you look, then this is for you. I personally found that I rediscovered my love for fashion – rather than just tolerating the clothes that I put on my body – once I found self-love, and here’s how you do it.
1. Go on a detox.
Nope, not the kind of detox you’re thinking of. Start with the things that are within your reach every single day and work from inside out. Think about that Instagram feed that you’re scrolling through for a portion of your day. What are you seeing? Who are you following? What kind of information are you absorbing? Do the people you follow look like you? Are they being paid to sell products that encourage weight loss, waist training, or supplements?
If there’s even the slightest chance that they are, or they make you feel bad about your body, unfollow them. Look at the TV shows that you’re watching or the magazines that you’re flicking through throughout the day. Are diets a heavy topic of discussion on the morning chat show you watch? Is your favourite magazine offering you plans to ditch 10lbs in three days? Get rid of them. I guarantee you that you’ll find opportunities for diet culture to fester in even some of the most unusual of places. For example, I once found a bag of jeans that were two sizes too small that I bought and shoved away to the back of my cupboard after failing to slim my way into them. Be unapologetic.
2. Up your self-care game.
It sounds really simple, but so many people fail to carve time out of their day/week/month for some self-care. Most of the ways that we can show ourselves self-care requires us to be present in our bodies which ultimately shifts the mind-set that we have towards ourselves. Doing things like taking some time out to treat yourself to a mani-pedi, or even doing a face or hair mask, all require your focus to move specifically to your body.
The boost that you get as a result of freshly painted toes, radiant skin, or soft hair all directly impact your self-esteem levels, as well as reducing stress and allowing you to find some peace in your body. Even something as basic as moisturising your body with your favourite lotion (something that can be done every day) can do the trick. By doing this, you’re distancing yourself from the negative and, if you continue to create time for self-care, you’ll see how your view of your body changes. Working to create a positive relationship with the body that you exist in right now doesn’t have to be hard.
3. Rip up the rule book.
By this stage, you’ve worked to eradicate all the things in your life that try to convince you that you’re not good enough, and you’re taking a bit of time out to show yourself some love in small, but special, ways. Now, think about your body. Just as it is. Think of your wardrobe. Write a list of the pieces you love, the pieces you hate, the pieces you’ve perhaps never even worn, and the pieces you don’t own or wear, but you would love to. Take a look at each of these lists and ask yourself why.
Why do you love those jeans? Why do you hate that dress? Why have you never worn that top? Why do you only ever wear a full coverage one-piece when you’d love to rock that bikini you saw in the shop the other week? How many of these reasons revolve around your body and what you think you should or shouldn’t be wearing? By having a wardrobe that truly represents you – one that you’d be proud to wear absolutely anything from it – are you breaking any of the rules that you’ve been preconditioned to believe? Perhaps you want to see more bright colours and prints, when you’ve been told that darker colours are more flattering? Maybe you love a nautical look but have spent your life believing that horizontal stripes make you look wider? Take every ‘fashion rule’ you’ve ever heard, and throw them all out. It’s time to play by your rules.
This is no overnight fix. Decades of unlearning doesn’t just disappear in a three-step guide; this is just the very beginning of a long journey to self-love – and self-love promises a personal, confident style that can’t be beaten. Your new job now involves analysing the future information that you’re given. Whether it be about your weight or your wardrobe, is there any truth to it? Or, by internalising it, are you just following the same damaging rhetoric that you worked so hard to get rid of?
At the risk of sounding like Marie Kondo, if it doesn’t spark joy for you then throw it in the bin (figuratively, of course). Continue to weed out the things and the people who make you feel bad about yourself, work to rediscover your personality in fashion and curate a look that is you to your core. Trends in both the fashion and diet worlds may come and go, but you’ll never regret making yourself the priority.